| While worried parents naturally want a simple "checklist" that will let them know exactly when intervention is needed, there are many factors parents need to think about before making the difficult decision to seek treatment.
You may want to consider the following before approaching your teen. As family situations vary widely, this list is only intended as a guide (Stout 2004):
- If you suspect your teen of using alcohol and/or other drugs, don't panic! Remember that experimentation does not necessarily mean he or she has a problem or is dependent. National surveys tell us that MOST kids (85%) who experiment with alcohol and other drugs never become dependent, and eventually grow out of this phase.
- Sometimes, when dealing with our own family, our heart, instead of our head, drives our reaction. So before you approach your teen, take a deep breath and ask yourself, "If this were someone else's kid, what would I say or do?
- When you do sit down with your teen, try to start the conversation by saying, "No matter what you tell me, I will continue to love you. I am concerned and I want to help you." Remember, too, that talking with your teen includes a lot of listening!
- The first question you may want to ask if your teen admits to using alcohol and/or other drugs is, "How come?" There are no right or wrong answers to this question. Responses can range from, "They feel good," and "Out of curiosity," to "I feel anxious/stressed," and "I am trying to fit in". By understanding why your teen is using alcohol and/or other drugs, you can make a better decision about how to respond.
- The second question you may want to ask is, "What do you want to do?" Again, the options you and your teen lay out will depend on whether your child is simply experimenting with, or truly misusing drugs. You need to recognize that in order for counseling or treatment to be most effective, both you and your teen must agree on the solution.
- Try to be honest with your teen on all levels, including your own drug history, whether that included abstinence, use, or misuse. While you do not need to rehash every detail, it can be very helpful to share your natural and human experiences with your teen.
- In keeping honesty a top priority, let your teen know that you want them to have accurate information on the health and legal risks involved in using or misusing drugs. Scare tactics do not work! Learn the facts about alcohol and other drugs together, perhaps using the Internet. For more information, please visit our Drug Facts section. You might even take the opportunity to do this with your teen!
- Realize that your teen may know a lot about the subject, so encourage him or her to communicate the risks and/or benefits they perceive of using alcohol and other drugs.
- If you do suspect, or know, that your child is experimenting with drugs, think hard before you search their room or demand that he or she submit to a drug test. The reality is that a trusting, open relationship with a parent or other respected adult can be the most powerful element in deterring abusive patterns. Trust, once lost, can be hard to regain.
- If you feel that you are unable to "remove the emotion," you may want to ask your teen if he or she would be willing to speak with a counselor to better understand why he or she is using or misusing alcohol and/or other drugs. The National Association for Alcohol and Drug Misuse Counselors can assist you in finding an appropriate counselor locally.
References - Stout, Dee Dee. 2004. Interview by Camilla Norman Field. August 9. Drug Policy Alliance, San Francisco.
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