Today’s parents get more advice, often in excruciating detail, about how to raise their children, than any generation in history. Yet they’re open and listening because they’re concerned about their teens’ safety and well-being, and worried that the world has become a much more dangerous place. They want to know what to do about the drug issue, and are looking for solutions.

Marsha Rosenbaum PhD lays out five action steps for parents in this excerpt from Safety First: A Reality-Based Approach to Teens and Drugs (pages 17-21).

STEP 1: LISTEN

The first step is to “get real” about drug use by listening to what teens have to tell us about their lives and their feelings. This will guide us toward intelligent, thoughtful action.

A useful venue is the dinner table. As much as possible, families should eat together once a day so they can “catch up,” talk and otherwise connect. There are many other natural openings for conversation, such as drug use in movies, television and music. If we can remain as non-judgmental as possible, teenagers will seek our opinions and guidance. Let them know they can talk freely. Our greatest challenge is to listen and try to help without excessive admonishment. If we become indignant and punitive, teenagers will stop talking to us. It’s that simple.

Remember that advice is most likely to be heard when it is requested. Realize that teens bring their own experiences to the table, some of which you may not want to hear. But breathe deeply and be grateful when they share these experiences because this means you have established trust.

STEP 2: LEARN

Parents and teachers need to take responsibility for learning about the physiological, psychological and sociological effects of alcohol and other drugs. This involves reading and asking questions.

Familiarize yourself with teenage culture through print and electronic media, especially the Internet. Watch MTV. Learn about the array of drugs available to young people, but be sure your sources are scientifically grounded and balanced. Any source that fails to describe both risks and benefits should be considered suspect.

The Safety First Project website contains balanced information with continuously updated “Drug Facts” about the effects of today’s most prevalent drugs.

For an all-around resource that covers nearly every popular drug, you and your teen should read From Chocolate to Morphine: Everything You Need to Know about Mind-Altering Drugs, by renowned health expert, Andrew Weil, M.D., and former high school teacher, Winifred Rosen.

For information about marijuana in particular, read Understanding Marijuana: A New Look at the Scientific Evidence by Mitch Earleywine, Ph.D. and/or Marijuana Myths, Marijuana Facts: A Review of the Scientific Evidence by Lynn Zimmer, Ph.D. and John P.Morgan, M.D.

STEP 3: ACT

Drug abuse prevention is not a curriculum package or a “magic bullet,” so make some plans.

It is important to keep teens engaged and busy, not just during the school day, but from 3 to 6 p.m., when the use of drugs by bored, unsupervised teens is highest. Extracurricular programs such as sports, arts, drama and other creative activities should be available to all secondary school students, at low or no cost to parents. Become an advocate for such programs in your community and teens’ school.

Prevention is fundamentally about caring, connected relationships and an open exchange of information. There are no easy answers, just thoughtful conversations.

When it comes to opening the ongoing “drug talk,” some parents don’t know where to begin. Many have started with Marsha Rosenbaum's “Dear Johnny” letter or other resources listed above. Teens often respond better to these “just say know” approaches than to the one-sided messages they’ve been hearing all their lives.

Many parents today are Baby Boomers who themselves experimented with drugs in the 1970s and 1980s. The question, “What should I tell my child about my own past drug use?” comes up in each and every workshop we facilitate — from California to Utah to Connecticut. Many parents are uneasy about revealing their own experience, fearing such admissions might open the door to their own teen’s experimentation.

There is no one simple resolution to this difficult dilemma. While you do not need to rehash every detail, it can be very helpful to share your own experiences with your teen because it makes you a more credible confidant. Honesty is usually the best policy in the long run. Just as parents often know or eventually find out when their child is lying, teenagers have a knack for seeing through adults’ evasions, half-truths and hypocrisy. Besides, if you don’t tell, you can rest assured that eventually one of your siblings or close friends will delight in recounting your “youthful indiscretions” to your eager child.

Trusting relationships are key in preventing and countering drug use. While it is tempting to cut through difficult conversations and utilize detection technologies such as urine testing, think hard before you demand that your child submit to a drug test. Random, suspicionless school-based drug testing — which has been opposed by the California State Parent Teacher Association (PTA) — has been shown to be ineffective and often counterproductive.

Regarding in-home test kits, researchers at Children’s Hospital in Boston, who studied home drug testing products, warn that most people are not appropriately educated about the limitations and technical challenges of drug tests (including collection procedures, the potential for misinterpretation and false positive/negative results). They also note unanticipated consequences and the negative effect on parent-child relationships of collecting a urine sample to ascertain drug use.

The reality is that a trusting, open relationship with a parent or other respected adult can be the most powerful element in deterring abusive patterns. And trust, once lost, can be hard to regain.

Perhaps most important, teenagers need to know that the important adults in their lives are concerned primarily with their safety; that they have someone to turn to when they need help. If they find themselves in a compromising or uncomfortable situation, they need to know we will come to their aid immediately.

STEP 4: LEAD

PTA leaders and other parent groups often request “Safety First” speakers for their meetings.

In 2005 Marsha Rosenbaum addressed the National PTA convention, showing parent leaders how they could facilitate a drug education workshop at their own school. She told the attendees that outside “experts” are not necessary. Parent workshops, after all, are fundamentally about opening a discussion to share science-based information and to connect with others in the community. For an example of how to conduct your own Safety First workshop within your own PTA, community, or family meetings order our DVD, SafetyFirst: The Workshop.

We understand that it is difficult to get parents to come out for evening meetings, but one parent at a middle school in Torrance, California had a brilliant idea. She was so committed to the importance of parent drug education that she convinced several teachers to offer extra credit to students whose parents attended the workshop. A record 272 parents packed the auditorium that night!

In general, it is important for parents to get to know each other and work together to promote safety-oriented strategies. The emphasis on safety does not mean we are giving teens permission to use drugs. It simply affirms that their welfare is our top priority.

STEP 5: HELP

It is important to know what to do if you believe a teenager (or anyone else) is having a negative reaction to alcohol and/or other drugs.

For instance, do not allow a person who has consumed too much alcohol and is passed-out to lay on their back. Many people in this situation have choked on their own vomit and asphyxiated.

In an acute situation, if you fear something is seriously wrong—such as when a person is unconscious or having trouble breathing—do not hesitate to phone 911 immediately. The lives of many young people could have been saved if paramedics had been called—or called sooner.

Don’t take a chance. If you share nothing else you have read here, please convey this information to your own teen, who may one day need to assist a friend.

Even when it’s not an emergency, there is little more disturbing to a parent than a teenager who is obviously intoxicated, stoned or high. Many parents want to know how to identify problem use, what to do about it and when to seek professional help.

Concerned parents can start by visiting our treatment section for a discussion of counseling, treatment and a list of references and resources.

We highly recommend the work of psychologist Stanton Peele, Ph.D., who lays out criteria for deciding whether your child needs treatment, the treatment options and your role as a parent, in his new book, Addiction Proof Your Child. For parents concerned that their teen may have a marijuana problem, we also recommend Timmen Cermak’s book, Marijuana: What’s a Parent to Believe?

Keep in mind there is no “one size fits all” method for dealing with troubled teens that have alcohol and/or other drug problems. Remember that many of today’s well-meaning programs are still unevaluated and inflexible. Be especially leery of boot camp-style programs that can do more harm than good, such as those studied by journalist Maia Szalavitz in her book, Help At Any Cost: How the Troubled-Teen Industry Cons Parents and Hurts Kids.

In the end, the healthiest kids, whether or not they experiment with drugs, have parents who are present, loving and involved. Carla Niño, past president of the California State PTA (the largest state PTA in America, with one million members, and second-largest parent organization in the world), gives the following advice:

“Trust your instincts, which are to love your kids enough to give them the space to explore and grow, to forgive their mistakes and to accept them for who they are. Kids go through tough times, sometimes seemingly prolonged. Those who make it do so because they’re embraced and loved by their families.”